Life is Choices

Have you ever felt as though you're being held for ransom? That your life, which you thought was under your control, really isn't?

Have you ever learnt something about someone that you wish you hadn't learnt? Or learnt something that, in retrospect, you already knew but were in denial over, that you wish weren't true?

Have you ever been pulled in two directions, one that your mind thinks is right, and the other that your heart feels is meant to be?

Have you ever had to give up what you desperately desire in the short-term, so you can have what you believe you want in the long-term?

I've got a strange feeling that this coming year will be a make-or-break one for me, in more ways than one. I pray that I've made the right choices so far, and that I'll have the strength and courage to continue to do so. As someone very dear to me has said (as recently as last night), actions speak louder than words.

Ahh Holidays

After weeks upon weeks of stressing over exams, holidays are finally here! Well they arrived over a week ago now, but I was too busy enjoying it to blog about it (funny how blogs are common enough that "blog" is an acceptable verb). Now I do have the time to write about it, since I'm currently sitting at home in NSW and filling days with lazy nothingness that is summer holidays. But I had an awesome six days in Melb before I came back up, and don''t think I'll have the chance to have that much fun in a long time. Some highlights:

06/12/05 - Right after my fracking hard last exam, which I hopefully passed, I went for a farewell dinner with my college friends for Chi and Scarlett, who are going back home to Sydney and going to Japan to work, respectively. Well that was the original plan, but looks like Scarlett's plans may be delayed by half a year at least, but I'm sure she'll get there in the end.

08/12/05 - Almost a year after our original idea, we finally visited the beautiful Mornington Peninsula, only 1.5 hours south-east of Melbourne. Even though I've lived in Melbourne for nearly five years now, and heard many people rave about how nice it was, it was the first time I'd actually been down to Mornington. Beautiful scenery of the coast from Arthur's Seat Chairlift (wish I wasn't told that someone fell off and was serious injured a year ago, when I was halfway down the mountain!), a hedge maze that was actually a challenge, and the breathtakingly remote Cape Schanck.

09/12/05 - Played badminton for only the 2nd time, and the 1st with my gf. We'd been planning to play together all year, and had procured two racquets for myself for that very purpose (one I got off ebay, which was crap and heavy; the other was one mum had in the garage, was older than me but a very good one). So we played and it was awesome, and I was less crap than I anticipated (probably because I used to play a lot of table tennis back in college, and a bit of tennis recently). Then at night, had a birthday dinner for Annie, and it was also meant to be a surprise one for Jimmy and Steven, but nobody told me about the surprise bit! Luckily I only spoilt the surprise for Jimmy, since I wasn't aware of the Steven bit. But guess they didn't care, since they got pressies anyway! Then afterwards we went to Sam's place and played Texas Hold'em and Pictionary, pity we weren't playing for money because I cleaned up in Hold'em...heheh. But that wasn't the highlight of the night. That honour belonged to Yoshi and Alice. Sam's gf Kathy, was trying to set up perennial single-guy Yoshi with her uni friend Alice. It wasn't helped by the fact that Kathy and Alice arrived to dinner late, so they had to site at the opposite end of a long table to Yoshi. Anyway, at Sam's place they talked a bit I think, but knowing Yoshi he'll probably won't make a move...still waiting for his perfect Jap girl I think...heheh

(Yoshi is the guy with blue shirt, Alice is the shortest girl)

10/12/2005 - After over 50 odd years, Ridley College finally decided to close its doors to residential students from next year. While it is slightly sad, since I only left that place two years ago, it is also not totally unexpected, and understandable from the point of the view of the college council. That patch of land that college sits on, in inner-city Parkville, is worth a lot more as new apartments than as the crappy old buildings that sit there at the moment. Also as a college it was the 4th most expensive of the 12 colleges, but definately not 4th best in terms of facilities it provided. Partially it is because of economies of scale (our college is among the smallest), and partially because for right or wrong, the priority of Ridley has always been its theological college (ie training ministers, pastors etc), rather than its residential college. While I have fond memories of the wonderful experiences I had during my 3 years there, including meeting my gf, the college itself is a chapter of my past, and whether it continues to exist or not doesn't really matter much to me, since I would never go back anyway, and I always have my memories. As a celebration of its impending closure, there was a farewell lunch arrange that was fairly enjoyable. Saw a few people I hadn't seen since I left, though sadly the turnout among the people in my cohort wasn't a good as I had hoped. The food was excellent (which is throughly un-college like), and while the speeches were boring, I didn't mind since I just left half way through.

That night, we went to Stokers for dessert. It's this dimly-lit, romantic little pancake place that sells outrageously overpriced thin-pancakes, but is very popular because of its atmosphere and because it is open till 2am. Had also been planning to go for a long time, since we had a 2-for-1 voucher, which made the prices bareable.

11/12/05 - Caught the Puffing Billy train, which is this interesting restored steam-train that winds through scenic areas near Mt Dandenong. Best bit was getting to sit on the window-sill and stick ya legs out like a little kid...hehehe.

I suppose that was the last distinct "event" that occurred, but intertwinned throughout these events was lots of bumming around at home, relaxing, catching up with tv shows, eating takeout; wonderful times that can only be satisfactorily spent with someone whose presence you enjoy, and who you truly love with all your heart! For these days, I am thankful.

V is an Evil Drink

I had my 2nd written paper this morning, 1st one was yesterday morning. It wasn't too hard, a few tricky questions that I didn't expect but only one or two where I had absolutely no idea and had to bullshit like crazy. Was a little bit panicky this morning, since I was really tired yesterday after my exam but couldn't sleep, so I drank 1.5 bottles of V to keep me awake so I could study. But even though I sat there for over 8 hours, it didn't really seem like effective study. It felt like I had this haze around my head. I was so out of it, the V didn't really seem to do much. Well that isn't true, it made me feel physically awake, but mentally I was running on empty. Never had the experience of having to study the same stuff that I just sat a test on, as both tests covered the same material. You would think that having known enough the day before, that I would still know enough the next day, but I find as soon as I step out of the exam room, the stuff I crammed in starts leaking out like a burst dam. And unfortunately I struggled to fill it back up, since it was so hard to remember stuff I read. Then it took me forever to fall asleep and had really light and turbulent sleep, partly because of the V and partly because of anxiety over how little effective study I did. I know I sound like an arrogant arse when I say this, but it was the first time I truly believed I might fail, and it scared me. Now I say this not because I'm some smart-arse who aces all his exams, but because they spend so much money training us that the faculty doesn't really want to fail us if they can help it. So while it is hard to do well, to pass is achievable as long as you turn up to class and start cramming a week or two before exams. Which I do manage to do, as do most people (less than half a dozen fail each semester out of about 280 students, and those that do usually pass their supplementary exams).

But yeah, exams were fine and now I don't know what to do with myself. I have my last exam on Tuesday but it is an oral exam, so I don't need to do much study for that, especially not till a day or two before. I did watch The 40 Year Old Virgin with Alan this afternoon, extremely vulgar but friggen hilarious...hahah...bet every guy wished they had friends like the virgin-guy did.

Near-Death Experience

Had a scary few seconds today. Drove with Alan to Brunswick St to have lunch for Emma's Bday, and was puttering along on the right-hand lane of a 2 lane road. Then this stupid taxi driver who is half pulled over and half in the left-hand lane picking up a passenger, suddenly pulls out into my lane without indicating, when I'm like 10 metres behind him! So I instinctively brake and swerve to avoid him, missing him barely. Then I realise that to avoid the taxi, I've actually pulled out into the oncoming lane -_-" Didn't even have time to think to look for oncoming cars, good thing no cars were coming, especially for Alan since my 6 year old car doesn't have a passenger side airbag! Really highlights how precious life is and how quickly it could all be over.

On a more positive note, here are some pics from Emma's Bday. She turned 25 today, and as the Japanese would say, she's 1 year away from being a Christmas cake!

Blunt

I've been listening to a bit of James Blunt lately after someone told me he was good, and I agree with that appraisal even though I don't normally listen to his style of music. Apparently he wrote his album while he was in Bosnia as an UN peacekeeper, which is pretty amazing considering some/most of his songs are pretty positive. I guess the threat of violence was his muse. Anyway, this is one of my favourite of his songs:

"Goodbye My Lover"

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

YOU LITTLE BEAUTY!!!

Woohoo after 32 years Australia are finally invited back to the biggest party in the world!!! It was worth losing 3 hours of study to watch a little slice of history. I just hope the World Cup isn't too close to any of my exams next year or I'm going to fail!

Mugs

Damn Australia lost 1-0, but there is still the 2nd leg on Wednesday night, so still in with a chance. It was a crap game though, I fell asleep and missed the entire second half. Not that I missed anything important. The Chelsea-ManUtd game last week was heaps more exciting even though the scoreline was the same, really highlights the difference in skill level between Australia and a top EPL club (which are full of international players from GOOD countries).

Slept in today after the soccer, then studied at the law library, then Starbucks and Borders after dinner. Saw these cool Quotable Mugs when I was browsing Borders, here's two I liked:

"Life isn't about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself."
"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

What would I do? I'd find catchy quotations that other people thought up, put them on cheap mugs, call them Quotable Mugs, sell them for $16.95 each, and make a fortune! Hehehe.

Now That's Six-Pack Abs

Had a fairly studious day today. Studied at the law libary for a few hours, then hit the gym with Nima, then came home and cooked something simple. After dinner, I decided to go study at Starbucks on Lygon St. Drove out to Lygon St and ended up spending over 20 minutes looking for a park and eventually parked 5 minutes walk away. Might not seem far but keep in mind that I live about 10 minutes walk from Lygon St. But I wanted to drive since I needed to goto Safeway after Starbucks closed, so guess I couldn't help it. Anyway, all up I think I got about 7 hours of study done, which sadly is a record for me this semester. I remember when I was still living in college, I used to crank out at least 3 hours of study on weeknights and maybe up to 8-9 hours of study on weekends, especially if it was close to exam time. But to be fair, in those days I didn't have to cook and clean, only had 200mb of internet quota a week, and no girlfriend.

So why did I need to go to Safeway so urgently? Well one of the reasons is that I needed some snacks since I'm waking up early (6:30am) to watch the World Cup Qualifier, Australia vs Uruguay!!! Go Socceroos!! Don't you dare disappoint me (and the rest of Australia) again. I still remember Australia throwing away a 2 goal lead at home against Iran. They were 20 minutes away from qualifying for the 1998 World Cup and they choked. Just like every other time.

Headlessfly

As part of my procrastination strategy, I've been reading the blog of this guy who is a med student at the same hospital as me, but in the year above. I was sent his blog by my housemate who stumbled across it while looking up information about the intern hospital allocation process. The guy writes fairly eloquently and interestingly about his life, and his blog is often littered with interesting medical anecdotes and experiences that I don't seem to have for some reason (or maybe I just didn't realise when they occur). He and I share some similarities in that we are both interstate students, asian, and don't do much study. I had an interesting thought, in that if I were to run into this guy at the hospital, I know enough about his life that I would have at least half a dozen things I could chat to him about; yet he knows not even of my existence. Guess that is the nature of blogs; I wonder who is reading my blog. Nobody I don't know I bet.

Anyway, I've been backtracking through his postings (since I started at the most recent), and tonight I stumbled across a posting that really touched me:

I just found out that somebody I knew from freshman/sophmore/junior year died less than two weeks ago. Apparently his girlfriend's ex-boyfriend beat him up and somehow he ended up at the bottom of a dam or something. He had head injuries and a cardiac arrest and the paramedics couldn't revive him.

I remember in first year when I sat next to him during one of our first lectures and he introduced himself to me. Four years later, he was still one of the friendliest guys I knew. Although he wasn't a med student, I'd still run into him quite often in the library and we used to have a chat every now and then. The last time I spoke with him was actually, I remember now, it was last month or the month before when he was graduating and we were talking about how excited he was and what he planned to do with his life. And just like that, he's gone...

It's freaky how somebody could be here one minute and be gone forever the next minute. I heard from somewhere that the chance of death, from any cause, in our age group is 1 in 1000 per year. I was surprised initially. However, looking back at the past 4.5 years since I've been in university, I know of 4 people who have died so far. So the statistics aren't so surprising after all; they're outright scary.

It makes me reflect on my life up to this point. So far my life has been a failure. I do much but have accomplished little. I am not good at what I do at the moment (i.e. medicine), and I have lost touch with what I was once good at. In other words, if I were to cease to exist today, it would make no difference to the world's intellectual capital pool whatsoever.

In addition, I have failed to be to the people around me what they have been to me. There have been so many people who have touched my life, some more than others but each in their unique way. I seem to take them for granted, for I've never done anything for anyone in return - I am so selfish. I can only imagine the guilt that shall befall me if one of them were to vanish from existence tomorrow. This and yet each day rolls by and I seem to take no steps towards the rectification of this shortcoming.

So now, not only do I fall short of the glory of God but I also fall short of deserving anything from man. For that, I have no-one to blame but myself.

A needless loss of life is always sad, but it was the second half of his posting that really struck me. Like I said, I know at least a little of this guy's life from reading his blog. He has set up his own tutoring company, tutors many high school students, seems to be financially self-sufficient as a student, and has time to exercise and socialise with a group of close friends. A fairly decent life by all accounts. So for him to say his life is a failure (so far) made me think about my own life. I too am not good at medicine, and I too have lost touch of what I was once good at. I've heard people say that it is unfair to compare, that some of the brightest students study med so it not unreasonable that I am no longer among the best. But sadly my malaise is not just underachievement, but under-motivation and under-application (forgive me for making up words). I seem to lack passion for my studies and can never seem to concentrate 100% in the same way I can for other non-study activities.

I think it is partially it is my vocation; medicine is not something I regret choosing to study, and nothing else interests me enough that I would give up medicine to pursue it. Yet I don't feel passionate about medicine. But must I? Some I know view medicine as a job, as any other job, to put bread on the table and a BMW in the driveway (kidding about the BMW). Others view it as a community service, that they are pursuing for the betterment of mankind. And I know the wider community view seems to be that doctors must sacrifice themselves for their community, and that they are the devil-incarnate if they dare to desire high levels of renumeration. I think my view falls somewhat inbetween; I chose medicine because nothing else seemed more interesting at the time, it was a stable profession that is transferable across geographic locations and always in demand, and it at least enabled me to do something meaningful and worthwhile ie helping people. I always knew other professions paid better and I was OK with that. But I also view it as just a job, so I can have a decent house, be able to pay the bills and send my future kids to a good school. I don't really seem to have any passion to excel, to become a professor of something something. I feel a bit directionless, unsure of my future and what avenues to pursue. I think my only real ambition is to become a competent doctor, someone who won't kill anyone because of their gross negligence. Idealistic aren't I?

Anyway, back to this guy and his posting. As much as he puts himself down, my life seems much emptier than his. One of my big regrets is that I haven't made much effort in regards to my friends. I am by nature a fairly introverted person, but have made a number of friends through highschool, college, and university. But especially since I moved out of college, I have not made much effort to keep in contact with these people, and we have drifted further and further apart. In someways this is a normal thing, people grow and change, graduate and move on with their lives. But still it is sad. And because of my introverted nature (or maybe it is just an excuse), I have not made efforts to meet new people and to expand my social horizons. In many ways it feels safer to stick with what you know and not to extend oneself. I would like to change, but whether I have the strength is another matter.

The Big A

I think I've got early-onset dementia! Let me explain. I had a session this afternoon at Alzheimer's Australia with some other med students. We heard a guy talk about his father, who started exhibiting signs of dementia in his mid-50s. Obviously I'm not 50, but it really struck home that not everyone who develops dementia is 70-80 years old (though the majority are). Anyway, my memory has been crap for at least the last 3-4 years (I can't remember how it was before that! pun intended). Maybe the explaination is early-onset dementia, though I sure hope not. It was quite touching hearing the guy and another unrelated lady's story about their dad and husband respectively, how difficult it was to see them slide gradually into the abyss until they were not longer the same person. The lady mentioned that when she heard her husband had finally passed away (he was in a nursing home at this point), her first reaction was relief, then guilt at feeling relieved. But she felt the relief understandable and the guilt unjustified, as she had long since grieved over the loss of her husband, and while his body had persisted, the person she married was long gone.

The whole session gave good insight into just how hard and overwhelming it can be to care for someone with a chronic illness, especially one such as dementia (with Alzheimer's being the most common type). It is difficult in a physical sense, with the person behaving erratically and sometimes violently, wandering and doing other potentially unsafe things, often doubly incontinent in latter stages. But also it is confronting in an emotional sense, seeing them gradually change from the person you loved and cherished, into someone who is unrecognisable and often doesn't even recognise you, their loved one. A shell of their former selves. Heart-wrenching stuff...

Anyway, back to my memory problems. It is really quite annoying, and makes study quite difficult. Hopefully it isn't progressive, as it might make being a doctor a bit challenging to say the least. But perhaps it is more an attention problem, rather than a memory problem per se. Since learning things and forming memories requires one to actually pay attention, and my attention span is really crap. I used to read books for pleasure as a junior highschooler, but now I'd be lucky to read through an article on theage.com.au without getting distracted.

Which brings me onto another point...the internet. Great invention (thanks Al Gore). Fantastic source of information, makes the world a smaller place etc etc. I don't need to go on as you've probably heard enough of how great it is. But it is THE most insidious form of procrastination known to man. It is shameful the numbers of hours I waste on the net doing absolutely nothing without even realising the time has passed. I feel really guilty and I've tried cutting back, but still I find myself wasting tons of time on the net (like now, updating this blog instead of studying for my exams, which start in less than 3 weeks). OK time to make a change...starting from now.

Happy Bday to Me!

Hmm can't believe that it has been over 3 months since I posted, shows how exciting my life is huh? :) Well partially that, and also I've been caught up in work and been too lazy to bother writing anything. Well time to make up for it, I'm just sitting here waiting for 3am to roll around, going out with my best ex-college friend Ongy who is visiting for a few days from Malaysia. We going out with him and his bro to watch Man Utd get trashed by the invincible Chelsea...it'll be a sad sight but will be nice to hang out with Ongy after not seeing him for nearly a year.

So what I have been up to since the end of July? well uni-wise, I did a two-week block in an Emergency Dept, was quite fun and exciting at times. Put in half a dozen IV lines, put in an urinary catheter into some old guy, did a few plaster casts, and even put 5 stitches in for this guy who's arm fell onto a metal spike on a construction site. Then had 6 weeks doing psychiatry, which was a very interesting and confronting experience. Made me think a bit more about my own life and why I act they way I do in certain situatitons, and why I (and others too) think and react in certain ways. One pattern I noticed was that a LOT (like over 75%) of patients with psych problems bad enough to be in the hospital have had really fucked up childhoods...things like childhood sexual abuse, physically and mentally abusive parents, etc etc. Makes me wanna be a damn good parent...when (and if) I become one...heheh.

Right now uni-wise, I'm doing this ultra boring rotation called RAPP, which stands for Rehab, Aged Care, Palliative Care, and Psychiatry of Old Age. They all kinda inter-related (ie stuff relevant to old people), but it is so uninteresting it is not funny. Which is why I don't mind skipping tomorrow so I can sleep in after staying up to watch the soccer.

Had a funny day last Thursday. Started with me sleeping in because I turned my phone to silent the night before when I went swimming, and forgetting to turn it back off silent. Luckily I startled awake at 8:30 (had a tute at 9am, at a hospital about 40mins drive away), woke up my housemate (who unwisely chooses not to set his own alarm, and just gets woken up by the noise I make when I get up), rushed like a madman and got ready in 10 mins (which is ultra quick for me, I like to stew over breakfast, eating my cereal while reading newspapers online). Then my housemate and I drive to hospital in seperate cars (because we going to diff hospitals after the tute). Green light turns to orange, I accelerate to rush through the light, remember the $200 fine I got last semester for running an orange light, slam on the brakes, my housemate behind me doesn't notice and slams on his brakes too late... *crunch* what a horrible sound...but the damage was surprisingly minor...a 2-3cm dent on my back bumper, that's about it, no paint chipped or anything.

Anyway, we keep driving and about 15 mins later I'm stuck at a red light behind this school bus full of girls, maybe 13-14 years old? dunno..anyway, they're all waving at me so I wave back for a bit, then look down to check on my phone. Suddenly I see a flash, I look up and one of the girls is holding a digital camera. OMFG...I was half flattered and half weirded out.

But the weirdness doesn't end there...later in the day, I'm in a rehab ward, just finished talking to a patient and her husband, saying my thankyous and goodbyes, then this 40ish intellectually disabled lady (in a slurred voice stereotypical of an intellectually disabled person) goes, "Mmm you're a good-looking sort aren't you? I like the look of you...you have nice dark skin like me." I mutter a quick thanks and get the hell outta there...thinking "uhh you are white caucasian, your skin looks nothing like mine." So that was my day of weirdness...seems the only people of the opposite sex interested in me (other than my beautiful gf, who is normal in a good way) are underaged girls and intellectually disabled women...so how flattering ;)

OK think I've crapped on long enough, I should read through my traumatic brain injury notes before I go watch the game. I'll just leave with a few photos from tonight, went out for dinner with some of my uni friends to celebrate my 23rd Bday:

What Boredom Does To People

Been in the country for the last week on a four week rural rotation. It has been OK so far, was in a fairly large regional centre for the first two days with my friends, all staying at this big share house. Played a lot of Big2, Blackjack and Bluff. The last three days I've been staying with one other med guy at a smaller town, right next to Mt Buller. Anyhow, these were some silly pics we took on the 2nd day while waiting for some others to finish their movie:

Grandparents' 60th Wedding Anniversary

Went to Grandparents' 60th Wedding Anniversary on Sunday night, at Kam Fook Chinese Restaurant in Chatswood. It was an awesome night and one I'd been looking forward to for a long time. The food was incredible, and rather than describing it course by course, I'll do the lazy thing and link to my cousin Jason's blog which has the whole menu nicely laid out :) Anyway, it was a fun night, everyone was all dressed up and the place was beautiful as well. Also nice to see all my relatives who I haven't seen in a few months, plus my aunt and uncle and cousin Jason who live over in the States, he reckons it has been 6 years since we last saw each other but i don't recall... -_- So all in all a great night and a good start to my semester break...and damn do I need a break ;) Here are some photos of the night.

Steve Jobs...beat pancreatic cancer...lucky bastard

Nice speech, almost makes me wanna buy a mac...haha...almost...maybe if 1.5k fell off a truck and into my lap :P

http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

Lift

Had over 2 hours of my life stolen from me on sunday night, was coming up from downstairs at abt 11:30pm, bloodly lift got stuck, just b4 my floor. so i pressed the button to get help, lady says she'll let the technician know, so i just wait around for him to come. luckily i had my mobile with me so had ppl to talk to, to pass the time, and i got my housemate to pass me some magazine thru the tiny gap we managed to pry open in the outside doors (the inside doors were easy to force open, the outside doors weren't easy, spose they designed not to open unless lift is at the right level, u know, to stop ppl from jumping to their deaths). anyway, ended up waiting for nearly 2 hrs (i repeated got the lady to contact the technician, but all they could do was leave a message on the pager of the lazy bastard who was meant to be on call but was sleeping). was tempted to call the fire dept, fake an asthma attack or chest pain or something, but then thot i might have to pay them if i called them just to get me outta a lift (sorta like how u have to pay to ride in an ambulance to hospital). so getting all macgyver-ish, i forced the door open a bit more, got my housemate to pass thru some thick-nosed pliers and dismantled the guide-rail at the bottom of the outside door, and managed to pull half of the door off the rail and partially into the lift, making a gap just large enough to squeeze thru (luckily i ain't got a beer gut, and that the lift was only abt 50cm below the level it was meant to be). so i get out, savour the fresh air and feeling of freedom...and then goto bed right...this was nearly 2am by the time i got out...and then...i get woken up at 6am by the lift technician who was like "oh got a page saying u stuck in a lift?"...unfortunately i was too groggy from just being woken up to swear at the fucker...imagine if i didn't have my phone with me, i'd have been stuck in the lift for at least 6.5 hrs and have to sleep on the hard tiled floor...hope that guy gets stuck in a lift with nobody to get him out...haha...

anyway, since i was bored i took some photos with my mobile...enjoy...haha

btw i've still been riding the in the lift since then...but when i came home this afternoon it had broken down again...hope nobody was in there...

Plastic Surgery

Plastic surgeons are a funny lot...esp this one crazy mumbling surgeon who was giving us a lecture on the principles of plastic surgery (ie the most basic stuff). he was describing the various stuff that plastic surgeons do, eg hand operations, skin grafts and flaps for burns patients or ppl with chunks of skin cut out, etc...and then he goes, "and if u have a trophy wife to maintain and private school fees to pay, u can also do cosmetic surgery"...and then...he comes up with a classic...

"Cosmetic surgery - it's psychiatry with a knife"

Struck me as being so true...for most ppl, the problem is not in their body, it's in their head...

Gala Dinner @ The Point

Had awesome time on friday night, it was kinda like a mini-ball for 5th and 6th year med students from my hospital, organised by our student society. Normally it would be $95 but our student society subsidised it so it only cost us $25 for amazing food and unlimited alcohol...better than the crap they normally serve at balls...and the restaurant was so swank, beautiful view of Albert Park lake...and to eat there would normally cost around $30-40 for each main...so yeah, all round a great night, great food, great drinks, great friends...haha...

Graduation

Went to my gf's graduation yesterday, was a long and boring ceremony and was so far back that i could not see if it was even her that was walking across to shake the vice-chancellor's hand, but it was worth it. dinner with her family and going out afterwards was really fun...and she looked so damn cute in the robe and hat and all...heheh...i'm so proud of you babe!!! :D another 1.5 years till our roles will be reversed...and it'll be my turn -_-"

2 years or 24 months or 104 weeks or 731 days or 17544 hours or 1052640 mins or 63158400 seconds!

Wow can't believe it has been 2 years already. it's been a wonderful journey tho...amazingly fantastically terrifically great (ran outta adjectives...damn my poor vocab) time. went to cafe crema on swanston for a drink then went to livebait at docklands for dinner...not bad but i prolly didn't pick the best meal there, oh well the view was nice and the company was great as always...haha...love ya babe...

Ebay is addictive

Man where have you been all my life? :P thanks to josh, got intro'd to the wonderful world of ebay, so much cool stuff there, for really really cheap...heheh...how i've missed out, could've got so much of my computer stuff for cheaper...already bought some wireless networking stuff for home, saved almost 35% off RRP...heheh...could spend hours just browsing, checking on my bids, etc etc...hmm...might get me a fancy new stethescope from US, exchange rate pretty good atm...hmm...virtually half-price

PostSecret

Wow...stumbled across an amazing site...the brutal honesty of some of the postcards is both breathtaking and confronting...take some time and check it out...i dare ya

postsecret.blogspot.com

Random Quotation of the Day

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat." --Theodore Roosevelt

Jap mayo is so evil...yet SO good

Woke up feeling like crap, tummy was sore and had no appetite (which is very unusual for me since i love food haha), still sore now but not too bad. The annoying thing is that i've been doing a bit of reading the last few days about gastro problems, so i'm sitting here all paranoid about all the nasty things it could be, even tho i know deep down that it prolly something innoculous, just a simple upset tummy, maybe due to the jap mayo i had last night with my dinner that has prolly expired long ago (damn japanese, ever heard of putting expiry dates on perishable foods? i would throw it out but it such a large tub, don't wanna waste it...hehehe). Perhaps it is also all the rich oily junk food i've been scoffing down since i'm at home for the week, i eat pretty healthy in melb (don't buy junk food) so perhaps my tummy not used to such rich food...

Had this grand plan at the beginning of my hols to do lots of study. Mostly i've done alright, spent lots of time sitting down and trying to read, but to be honest my heart wasn't really into it and i've prolly forgotten most of the stuff i've read...had a bit of a CBF attitude lately...dunno why...maybe bc exams aren't close enough to be really stressful yet and plus i'd rather be in melb atm...i miss her...

The Sword of Damocles

Random tidbit for the day...

The Sword of Damocles
An object that figures in a legend about an actual Greek nobleman, Damocles. According to the story, Damocles frequently expressed his awe at the power and apparent happiness of his king. The king, tired of such flattery, held a banquet and seated Damocles under a sword that was suspended from the ceiling by a single hair—thus demonstrating that kingship brought with it fears and worries as well as pleasures.

Labour Day

Had a nice long weekend...Labour Day and all, tho dunno what labour it is meant to be rewarding us for. I for one haven't done any labour at all...haha...anyway, on a very hot monday, went for BBQ with uni friends. Didn't do much, just ate some food, played some cards games and PS2. Man i suck at fighting games, couldn't beat Josh in abt a dozen games of Marvel vs Capcom even tho he never ever plays PS2 or any games in general...luckily i was able to restore some pride by kicking his ass in Virtua Tennis 2...and i would've killed him in Winning Eleven too if he had the guts to play me :P anyway, thot i'd put up some pics...the 2nd one is a bit weird, my mouth was full of food and i didn't really want to show everyone what i was eating...haha

Orchidectomy

That is the new 'word of the day'...what does it mean u may ask? It means the surgical removal of the testicles...I was planning to go see one done today but decided I'd rather sleep-in...haven't had a sleep-in mid-week in a long time. By the way, orchidectomies used to be done as a way to control prostate cancer, not because the guy cheated on his significant other :P

Haven't updated in a while but nothing of interest to say, just my usual routine....wake up, eat breakfast while watching an episode of either Family Guy, Friends, Scrubs or SATC on my computer, goto hospital, bum around, pretend I'm not completely stupid, go home, eat dinner while watching more stuff on my computer, study, shower, sleep, rinse and repeat...hahah...

Was pretty close to taking up soccer (my great love) again after bumping into an old teammate and senior classmate, but I figured I'd rather save the money and time and spend it on more productive pursuits...eg gf and study...can just get my weekly dose of exercise at the gym...tho the temptation was strong...can't explain why I love it so much, not like I'm great at it and the training is tough and monotonous...but i've played it for over half my life and it was awfully hard to decide to give it up end of last year, esp since i didn't go out with the bang i'd have liked, since it was a shitty season riddled with numerous ankle and foot injuries at the most inopportune times. But i guess i gotta grow up sometime and start facing realities...that if i don't do enough study, i'm gonna regret it later on...

-_-

Haven't posted in ages...been back in Melbourne since 30th Jan, had a week to get my apartment and everything else in order and to spend some quality time with someone special to me. Been back at the hospital for the last 4 days...very stressful and busy and hectic and lots of info-overload from crazy consultants and registrars who know freakishly large amounts of minutiae...dunno if i need or want to ever know so much about such a narrow field. Reminds me of what my research supervisor once told a group of us students, "Any specialist, in the true sense of the word, is an idiot." What he meant was that anybody who knows lots about a particular area, but only about that area, is stupid...because it is important to be knowledgable about a wide breadth of things...after all, there is a big wonderous world outside of the hospital, thought it is hard to realise sometimes. Anyway, i'll be happy if i'm a competent doctor who doesn't kill my patients...they often sick enough on their own, don't need me to force them to walk down the dark tunnel towards the light...

Tennis is evil

I was kinda bored so decided to do something relaxing, turned on the tennis right, women's semi-final, Maria Sharapova vs Serena Williams. OMG it was a shock to the senses...at one end you have a girl (and that she is, only 17) who sounds like she is almost orgasming every time she hits the ball (and at 82dB, not shy to let the world know about it either), and at the other end you have a woman who is more manly than any guy i know... who, despite the fact she has a huge butt and tree-trunks for legs, still chooses to wear the shortest and tightest pair of white shorts imaginable...and a top that has holes in the most inappropriate places...her dress sense (or lack thereof) shows that money doesn't buy class...

Here's what Snoopy had to add when we talked about this:
"see, that proves you can do anything if you have money- Williams sisters with no taste and shocking man-like body shapes can be "fashion designers"; Paris Hilton, the cheapest socialite around "designs" jewelleries; Donald Trump is a TV show host"

Well in the latter example, Donald 'Hair-Piece' Trump, money does buy something (someone)...Melania Knauss as your wife! :P

Here's Johnny

Classic quotation from the late Johnny Carson, ripped from news.com.au:

"I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex and rich food. He was healthy, right up to the day he killed himself"

bash.org

Was sent this interesting site full of funny/twisted quotations from people on IRC, here is a sample:

(DragonflyBlade21) A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

(Casey8) Diana Ross' husband died
(Tarrier) how
(Casey8) fell while climbing in South Africa or something
(JennAway) that's sad
(Bubbaprog) i guess there is a mountain high enough

(Gear Grinder X) once, we had these total freak seventh day advenist (or whatever) freak ass neighbors
(Gear Grinder X) and this girl Lanna was a little younger than me
(Gear Grinder X) she was a bitch, and they were all totally religious
(Gear Grinder X) she threw rocks at me once on my bike, and so I turned around, and went to run over here
(Gear Grinder X) I was hauling ASS, and you know what she did?
(Gear Grinder X) put her hands on her hips, and stood there and said "The lord will protect me"
(Gear Grinder X) well.... he didn't

(incarnate) hey cres, I know what you're thinking right now
(incarnate) " "
(cres) i dont get it

(aryov) This cake is soooo good
(aryov) it's like sex, except I'm having it

(Edofnor) #1 pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

(green) We vegetarians love the environment. carnivores are sick freaks.
(Frank) How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants

Slide Away

Was going through some of my old albums looking for good tracks for my playlist, and dug up this song after someone told me they liked Oasis. It is called "Slide Away", from their 1994 debut album "Definately Maybe":

Slide away - and give it all you've got
My today - fell in from the top
I dream of you - and all the things you say
I wonder where you are now?
Hold me down - all the world's asleep
I need you now - you've knocked me off my feet
I dream of you - and we talk of growing old
But you said please don't!

Slide in baby together we'll fly
I've tried praying but I dont know what you're saying to me

Now that you're mine
We'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one who shines with you
In the morning we don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done
Let me be the one who shines with you
And we can slide away

Slide away
Slide away
Away

Slide away - and give it all you've got
My today - fell in from the top
I dream of you - and all the things you say
I wonder where you are now?

Slide in baby together we'll fly
I've tried praying and I know just what you're saying to me

Now that you're mine
We'll find a way
Of chasing the sun
Let me be the one who shines with you
In the morning we don't know what to do
Two of a kind
We'll find a way
To do what we've done
Oh let me be the one who shines with you
And we can slide away

Slide away (7x)
Oooh Ooh Oooh
Slide away (10x)

The Gallagher brothers may be real cocks but they can sure write some fine lyrics...

Miles Apart

Again I haven't posted in a while, just been bumming around since I got back from Queensland. Had a few friends over on weekend, they brought their computers over, played some Half Life 2 DM, Counterstrike Source and Warcraft 3 FT...nice to catch up and lan...used to do this more during high school but lately it is harder being in Melb and all...

Anyhoo, just wanted to put up some lyrics from this punk band Raz intro'd me to, Yellowcard...first punk band I've heard that incorporate violin in their music...seems like an odd coupling but it works for the most part...guess it sorta like how Living End have a double bass...but yeah, the song is called Miles Apart (this ain't the whole song, just the bit i like):

I need you now, we're miles apart
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
I need you now, we're miles apart
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart

I'd give it up for just one more day with you
Give it up, give it all away
I'd give it up for just one more day with you

Hello from the Gold Coast

Haven't posted in a fair while, in fact have been away from the internet for 4 whole days...and didn't get any withdrawal symptoms at all! Am very surprised...yes indeedy! Anyhoo, just spent the weekend in lovely Fraser Island. The weather was a bit overcast but I think that was a blessing in disguise as it prevented me from getting burnt to a crisp...though i do have a nice dark tan (at least i think so, i'm kinda tanned normally anyway).

One of the highlights of Fraser Island was swimming in Lake McKenzie, a freshwater lake that was beautiful crystal clear water and smooth soft sand (soft as corn flour as Alan would say...), surrounded by lush green rainforest. A real tropical paradise...hehehe. Another highlight was seeing the rusted wreck of the S.S. Maheno sitting on 75-mile Beach. While some people thought of it as a stupid piece of rusted junk, i thought it was facinating imagining what a spectacular vessel it must've been, and how something so magnificent could be eroded and destroyed by the forces of nature in such a short amount of time. Kinda made me think about the fragility of humanity (what with the tsunami recently) and what sort of legacy mankind will likely leave on this planet when our species eventually becomes extinct (not much i reckon).

Overall, Fraser Island was awesome...kinda touristy but who am i to criticise, i was a tourist there after all...the resort was very beautifully designed (blended in nicely with the natural surroundings) everything else was great...I can only think of one thing that might've made the trip better but i'll refrain from elaborating lest i make Stella gag again...heheh

Am staying at a family friend's home on the Gold Coast and will be till Friday i think, not much planned except for the beach and maybe go to Wet and Wild theme park (done the other theme parks on previous trips so no point going again)...will try to put up pics of the whole trip on my site when i get back home...

Random Quotations

Some random quotations I just felt like putting up, the last one is my favourite...

"To go against the dominant thinking of your friends, of most of the people you see every day, is perhaps the most difficult act of heroism you can perform."
- Theodore H. White

"People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
- Unknown

"Yes, madam, I am drunk. But in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
- Winston Churchill (replying to Lady Astor's comment 'Sir, you're drunk!')

"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music."
- Kristian Wilson - Nintendo, Inc, 1989

"...that no one is perfect but most people are good; that people can't be judged only by their worst or weakest moments; that harsh judgments can make hypocrites of us all; that a lot of life is just showing up and hanging on; that laughter is often the best, and sometimes the only, response to pain. Perhaps most important, I learned that everyone has a story - of dreams and nightmares, hope and heartache, love and loss, courage and fear, sacrifice and selfishness."
- Bill Clinton (in his autobiography, My Life)

Happy New Year

And suddenly it is 2005...certainly crept up unexpectedly. Doesn't feel particularly exciting or great or anything...another day, another year.

Spent a tiring but marvellous NYE in Sydney with my gf, bummed around in Chinatown and Cockle Bay then walked to Mrs Macquarie's Point from Circular Quay station, via the long way because everything was fenced off, can't believe how many people there were. Got a half-decent vantage point though couldn't really see the bridge too well. But the atmosphere and fireworks were great...though debatable whether it was worth all the walking, I think I'll watch it on TV next NYE...heheh

For the first time I set some NY resolutions, not all of them my own idea and thankfully nothing too ambitious, so fingers crossed I'll be able to keep them. I can be indecisive at times so that is one thing I'm trying to change. Be more assertive you know, not to sit on the fence so much... YES I'd like fries with that! :P

Oh read something sobering in the SMH today, in relation to the Asian tsunami apocalypse, "the total world response this week - $US500 million according to the UN - was not more than Australians spent on their new plasma TVs in the past 12 months." Powerful stuff...says a lot about how much we value human life, especially lives that are not our own. People think nothing of spending $5000+ on a plasma TV for themselves, but to actually help other people? Forget it. I too am guilty of such thinking...I'm not proud to admit it, though I am trying to change...