The Big A

I think I've got early-onset dementia! Let me explain. I had a session this afternoon at Alzheimer's Australia with some other med students. We heard a guy talk about his father, who started exhibiting signs of dementia in his mid-50s. Obviously I'm not 50, but it really struck home that not everyone who develops dementia is 70-80 years old (though the majority are). Anyway, my memory has been crap for at least the last 3-4 years (I can't remember how it was before that! pun intended). Maybe the explaination is early-onset dementia, though I sure hope not. It was quite touching hearing the guy and another unrelated lady's story about their dad and husband respectively, how difficult it was to see them slide gradually into the abyss until they were not longer the same person. The lady mentioned that when she heard her husband had finally passed away (he was in a nursing home at this point), her first reaction was relief, then guilt at feeling relieved. But she felt the relief understandable and the guilt unjustified, as she had long since grieved over the loss of her husband, and while his body had persisted, the person she married was long gone.

The whole session gave good insight into just how hard and overwhelming it can be to care for someone with a chronic illness, especially one such as dementia (with Alzheimer's being the most common type). It is difficult in a physical sense, with the person behaving erratically and sometimes violently, wandering and doing other potentially unsafe things, often doubly incontinent in latter stages. But also it is confronting in an emotional sense, seeing them gradually change from the person you loved and cherished, into someone who is unrecognisable and often doesn't even recognise you, their loved one. A shell of their former selves. Heart-wrenching stuff...

Anyway, back to my memory problems. It is really quite annoying, and makes study quite difficult. Hopefully it isn't progressive, as it might make being a doctor a bit challenging to say the least. But perhaps it is more an attention problem, rather than a memory problem per se. Since learning things and forming memories requires one to actually pay attention, and my attention span is really crap. I used to read books for pleasure as a junior highschooler, but now I'd be lucky to read through an article on theage.com.au without getting distracted.

Which brings me onto another point...the internet. Great invention (thanks Al Gore). Fantastic source of information, makes the world a smaller place etc etc. I don't need to go on as you've probably heard enough of how great it is. But it is THE most insidious form of procrastination known to man. It is shameful the numbers of hours I waste on the net doing absolutely nothing without even realising the time has passed. I feel really guilty and I've tried cutting back, but still I find myself wasting tons of time on the net (like now, updating this blog instead of studying for my exams, which start in less than 3 weeks). OK time to make a change...starting from now.